It really is a great day to be a dragon

It is once again that time to draw together the strings of the academic year. Time o.nce spent sleeping is now spent frantically scribbling out pages of homework, vainly hoping we might merit the approval of our professors.

If you are like me, you are feeling a great deal of animosity towards this establishment at the moment. So, in the spirit of correcting emotionally motivated misconceptions, I offer the following words in praise of this institution in particular and public education in general.

I must begin by commending our university on its valiant effort to establish a D-I hockey team. It  is truly the mark of a good educational establishment that it fosters within itself several minor league sports teams. So often when watching a professional sport’s game, I feel a distinct lack of something. I can only enjoy a hockey game if I know that only a few days ago, the goalie was sound asleep in sociology class.

That is why I love our football team. Seeing the players between classes, as they stare blankly off into space, gives me a profound sense of investment and community with the team. It’s like we’re all one big family, and they’re fighting for our honor. Never mind what some would call a less than spectacular record, it’s the thought that counts.

Moving away from sports and things hoped for, we must now turn to things realized. We ought to thank our dear legislators for giving us the money to renovate Lommen. Now it has the feel and appearance that every center of learning should — that of a Holiday Inn. Walking through there, I can feel the inspiration and passion seeping off of the toothpaste colored walls.

Now that the setting has been perfected, I assume they’ll be settling down to business, namely educating the future teachers of the world (or at least Fargo-Moorhead). The other day I asked an education major what the purpose of education was. After receiving no answer, I suggested it might be to “provide the passion and the tools to seek truth.” After all, on the west gates of the school it is inscribed, “And the truth shall set you free.” But, everyone I spoke to, before and after this student, told me education is about getting a job. If practicality is to be valued above poetry or purpose, then we’re on the right track.

Speaking about jobs, I recall being a freshman at orientation. Upon reflection I ought to thank our university for the foresight they displayed at this event. They told us we “were going to be trained for jobs that don’t exist — yet.” The “yet” is very important. Without the “yet,” it sounds as though we are all on the fast track to unemployment. But, with the “yet” comes the implication that our university possesses the ability to see and plan for the future. Thus, whatever job comes my way, I can rest assured that “alcohol and college life” was an essential part of my preparation.

For truly it is comforting to know that the political prophets who only a few months ago had the wisdom to close down the government for a littler breather, are the same sages who ultimately run this university. There is no greater peace than knowing whatever challenges may come, the Minnesota Legislature is on the case. Sure our retention rate may be hovering at 19 percent, but all that will soon change.

It will change, because despite the lack of widespread student interest in matters academic, despite the corralling of freshman into glorified prison blocks called “dorms,” despite the marginalization of the college professor as we move toward exclusively electronic classrooms, despite the lack of inspired architecture on this campus, despite a library packed with books and no students, despite a website that barely functions, despite an ocean of indifference to all the aforementioned problems and despite a lack of a clear purpose for this university, despite all that, we can rest easy because we have a new logo.

The administration in their wisdom has given us the flaming “M” and plastered it all around campus. For this we must be grateful because the administration is wise enough to know, what every kid on Christmas Eve knows: it doesn’t matter what the present is, so long as the wrapping paper looks nice.

I hope my reminders have rekindled your appreciation of our university, while calming any anger that may have arisen in response to final papers and projects. I wish you the best for the end of spring semester. For truly, today is a great day to be a Dragon.

See you in class (or not).

BY JOHN GOERKE
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