Modern romance a challenge for independent personalities

by Remington Layne

laynere@mnstate.edu

Something every one of us has done at some point in our lives is wonder about relationships and if we’ll ever be in one. The phrase, “forever alone” often comes up, but why?

First of all, this line of thinking does not only pertain to females but to males as well. We are all curious as to when, where, how and who will swoop in and provide us with our romantic movie fantasy.

What we forget is romance is different for us all because we are all unique. Some of us will have more frequent dates and earlier experiences with relationships, while others won’t have any kind of experience with relationships, are never romantically approached and are perceived as “alone” or “lonely” due to society’s preoccupation with romance.

This idea of romance being of utmost importance in our lives has negative effects for everyone. It can make a lot of women feel like if they aren’t approached romantically there is something wrong with them, or they aren’t living up to society’s standards.

The stereotypical idea of a woman is someone who is gentle, generally not very outspoken or dominant, etc. Being that way is not bad by any means; there are many incredible women with these traits. However, there is another kind of woman, one who voices her opinion, has a dominant personality and naturally projects it.

These women can get negative reactions from those around them; in conversations the other party might seem intimidated and romantic relationships are not always easy to come by. Generally, potential romantic partners are less likely to approach these kinds of women (especially in young adulthood). Even if the other party is very interested in that woman, they will never express it like they would to a woman who displayed softer and more approachable qualities.

This can often take a negative toll on women with these more dominant personalities, especially in a society that stresses romantic relationships as something important.

These women sometimes start questioning if there is something wrong with them; they start trying to see flaws they can fix, wondering if they are attractive enough, and ultimately, if they should change who they are.

What these women might not know is there is absolutely nothing wrong with them; there is nothing wrong with being independent, dominant and having a strong presence.

Dominant women of the world can be seen and treated with respect and admiration, but can also intimidate some people who overlook other qualities they might have like kindness and joyfulness.

The opposite is often true for men. Men with very strong, independent personalities are flocked by others. However, this doesn’t mean these admirers are attracted to their true selves, which can get repetitive and tiring. Men can also wonder why it takes so long to find their romantic movie fantasy. They can also second guess their personality due to these things.

Men who have a dominant presence deal with the same basic issue as women who have a dominant presence: it’s hard finding someone who is not only compatible and accepting of their personality but who is genuinely interested in finding out what’s behind the strong surface. This kind of presence, attitude and dominance isn’t society’s norm, making romantic relationships challenging. That is why most people who see these kinds of men and women label them as “alone” or “lonely”.

So, dominant personalities of the world (and of our campus) don’t be discouraged, keep focusing on your pursuits, don’t change who you are. The same can be said for everyone, whether “a dominant personality” applies to you or not. Never second guess yourself just because your romantic movie isn’t in theaters yet. It’s just still in production.

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