What is love?

by Remington Layne

laynere@mnstate.edu

At this point in our society the word “love” appears to be becoming more like a negotiation of who can love and who can’t.  It appears to be getting more and more controversial to talk about who is giving you that indescribable emotion.  The worst thing that appears to be occurring is other people telling you what you’re feeling and what’s going on in your own personal relationships.  My question is, “Why and when did the most pure and free gift become the most censored and controlled issue among us?”

It is true that more recently we are seeing people take a stand for all kinds of love.  Just within the past few years we have seen momentous changes from legalizing gay marriage, to music and media pushing the boundaries, and a surge of pride to be who we are.  We are seeing people express love for friends, family, girlfriends, boyfriends, and partners of all kinds.  But now, I have noticed that censorship and control is seeping into how we personally define our own relationships.

Traditionally, when you enter a relationship with someone, you immediately establish that to all of society, claim that person as your boyfriend or girlfriend and flaunt it around. It seems that if there is any deviation from this blueprint then you aren’t in a real relationship or you are lying about it.  However, there are some people who don’t choose to label what they have.

There are some couples that just know they want to be with that person and they know and show their emotion rather than talk about what labels they’d like to give each other. I believe this to be a much better way of formming a relationship because you’re gradually allowing something natural to occur.  You aren’t speculating on what title to present your partner with to people and you aren’t concerned with making it a point to notify all of society.  My belief is that if you and that person know you want to be together, if you and that person feel the same way, then there’s no need to get hung up on technicalities.

Peers criticize some couples just because they aren’t referring to eachother by titles. This is irritating to society because society likes to label everyone and everything. The thing is they aren’t their boyfriend or girlfriend, they are simply with them. They are partners in their life.  They aren’t “dating” that person, they just spend time together. They aren’t “trying” to maintain the interest of who they’re with, they just effortlessly fall for them because of who they are. In fact there is no “trying” involved like there is in the stereotypical relationship. In these relationships the two people just want to raise the bar for themselves because they are inspired by their partner. They want to share who they are and their lives with each other.  Essentially these people understand that they don’t need their partner they want their partner. However they aren’t going to get upset if they don’t talk or see each other every day.  These people are genuinely comfortable with who they are with and where they are at in their relationship. Both are happy with the love they have.

So since when did love know boundaries? Since when did love prescribe to titles and rules?  Why have we as a society put these stipulations on something that is innately free and natural? Love is what we individually feel, that no one else can begin to describe for us.  Love is when we can’t even describe what we are feeling for someone else. Love is how we want to show and explain it because it’s unique to each and every one of us.  Love is all our own, so why take it away or belittle each other for how we want to express it?

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